


Gandalf and Mr. Darcy

by Humphrey



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Casual Sex, Humor, Love/Hate, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 02:59:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humphrey/pseuds/Humphrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur go speed dating. It doesn’t go very well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gandalf and Mr. Darcy

“I’m Mr. Darcy.”

“Not in a million years, mate.”

The guy actually looks offended. “I’ll have you know that several of my friends have commented on the striking resemblance I share with Colin Firth.”

“That’s just awful,” Merlin says gravely. “The fact that you have so many friends in desperate need of eye surgery, are you a surgeon or something?”

“Fine, what’s your name then?”

Merlin grins and answers, “It’s Gandalf.”

“Then I guess I’m really not your type, if Ian McKellen is what gets you off.”

“Eww, you’re disgusting,” Merlin says. “I just like wizards, alright. Just like you’re apparently a great Jane Austen fan.”

“Hardly,” Darcy says sarcastically. “Too much romance for my liking. I prefer my movies to have a bit more action, in every sense of the word.” He actually winks at Merlin.

“Officially the longest two minutes of my life,” Merlin sighs.

“Aww, I think it’s been great,” Darcy says, but Merlin can’t detect a hint of sarcasm this time.

Darcy doesn’t need to say anything else to him cause the bell rings. It’s time for everyone to switch partners. Before he leaves, Darcy gives him a smug grin, Merlin shivers a little.

The next couple of blokes he meets are all quite nice, but also a lot less interesting.

Like Merlin has suspected all along, this whole speed dating thing isn’t really his thing. He just doesn’t see the point of it, unfortunately for him Gwen has a lot of blackmail material on him.

It’s a relief when the whole thing is finally over and he can just go back to his flat and relax in front of his television. There is a Lord of the Rings marathon on tonight, the whole reason he picked the name Gandalf in the first place.

His escape turns out to be unsuccessful when Gwen catches him in the hallway. He’s still putting on his coat when she slyly says, “Any luck?”

“No,” he answers honestly. “Seriously, Gwen, I really tried, but the fish were not biting.”

She frowns. “Maybe you should put out your fishing rod more often. And I don’t think you’re being really honest with me, Merlin, cause a couple of these blokes seem really smitten with you.”

“How do you know that?” he asks suspiciously.

“Duh, you get feedback at the end, which you would’ve known if you hadn’t run out of there. Listen, you were actually quite popular. According to the girl in charge, you’ve actually made the top five when it comes to the guys.”

“I bet I know who was first,” Merlin sighs. He has to admit that Darcy was one of the best looking blokes he’s seen in a very long time. Not that he goes out much, but still. Blonde and chiseled body, does it for a lot of people. Especially at a mixed event like this.

Trying to avert Gwen’s attention, he asks, “How did you do?”

“I’ll have you know that I made the top three with ease, because I actually gave these guys a chance, I listened to them.”

“Yes, I’m sure it has nothing to do with the top you’re wearing,” Merlin points out.

Gwen looks affronted. “How dare you? It’s not my fault that I actually know something about fashion. I’m sure most of the people you meet secretly want to sign you up for one of these makeover shows. Trust me, I’ve asked around.”

Merlin laughs. “If you try to sign me on, I will take you down with me, I swear. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with the way I dress. It’s not like I’m in my forties, I can still pull of these jeans.”

“You’re not always going to look like you’re jailbait, at least I hope so cause frankly it’s a bit creepy when we go out. All these young students who keep trying to pull you.”

“I’m 29, Gwen, hardly a pensioner. Can we just go now, otherwise I’m going to miss -- my thing.”

“Please, like I don’t know about your Lord of the Rings marathon, Gandalf. And before you run off, take these.” She shoves a couple of the cards she’s been holding into his hands. “I’ve already made a quick selection. You can learn a lot about someone by seeing the name they choose at a speed dating event. But I’d definitely call Darcy.”

Merlin quickly glances at the cards and says, “Darcy actually wants to see me again, I was quite rude to him.”

Gwen rolls her eyes. “What a surprise. He must like a challenge, I think he’s perfect for you.”

“Do you think I’m a challenge?” Merlin asks, he’s actually quite flattered even if she doesn’t consider it a compliment.

“You’re like the mountain in Lord of the Rings, people keep trying to climb you but they always end up falling in hot lava.”

\-----

The next night, just after The Return of the King has ended, there’s someone at Merlin’s door. Merlin is quite confused about this unannounced visit, his friends usually call before they come over. He doesn’t think he has any enemies either.

He reluctantly opens his door, telling himself he really needs to invest in a peephole, and almost takes a step back when he finds Darcy standing in front of him.

“What the fuck are you doing here? If you’ve come here to kill me, be warned that I’ve got like a black belt and everything.”

“Very impressive to hear,” Darcy tells him. “Although I was quite hoping you’d threaten me with your big wand. Is it alright that I come in for a second?” he asks cheerfully.

“No,” Merlin nearly shouts. “Have you gone completely mad, this seems like the start of some detective series. I’m not letting you in my house.”

“Seriously, Gandalf, if I wanted you dead, you would be,” Darcy says patiently, like he’s stating the obvious. “I’m not some creepy stalker, I got your address from Vivian, very charming girl. I told her how tragic it was that you forgot to pick up your cards and she agreed with me so she gave me your address.”

“It seems like Vivian needs to watch more detective series, otherwise she’s going to get some of her clients killed someday. And I still don’t know what you’re even doing here, you can’t possible think that stupid date went well?”

“I thought it was brilliant, that’s why I wanted to invite you to dinner.”

“I’m not having dinner with you,” Merlin says resolutely, seriously questioning Vivian’s sanity.

“Oh, come on, what’s the harm? I promise I won’t kill you or anything. Besides you’ve got a black belt, I’m sure you could take me on if I tried.”

“I seriously hate you, Mr. Darcy.”

“Now you’re just talking nonsense, no one hates Mr. Darcy.”

Then Merlin does something really stupid, something only the protagonist in a horror movie would do, he actually goes to dinner with Mr. Darcy.

\-----

Of course Darcy takes him to a really fancy place, Merlin instantly feels a lot better about his decision. He would never be able to afford a table here, this city is fucking expensive. But when Darcy enters the restaurant, it’s like David Beckham just walked in. There’s a lot of over the top worship going on from the staff.

Suddenly a man with a ginger beard approaches him, Merlin presumes it’s the owner.

“Arthur,” he shouts, “it’s good to see you here, it’s been too long.”

“Nice to see you too, Leon, could we have your best table?”

“Of course, not a problem,” he says jovially.

Merlin shrugs and follows Leon to his best table, which does actually look quite good.

“So your name’s Arthur then,” he says, when they’re seated with a glass of champagne. “I bet your surname is something super posh.”

Arthur doesn’t say anything in rebuttal so Merlin guesses he’s right. “Didn’t the ever helpful Vivian give you my real name?”

“Are you saying your name’s not really Gandalf? Fuck, I think you’d better leave, I really requested a wizard this evening.”

“Well then I can reassure you since my real name is Merlin.”

Arthur starts laughing, so hard that the other guests are starting to stare.

“Could you stop it,” Merlin admonishes him, “you’re embarrassing.”

“I’m embarrassing,” he repeats. “You’re the one who’s called Merlin, no wonder you chose Gandalf. Are your parents hippies or something?”

“No, they’re just  creative, they didn’t want to saddle their kid with a boring name, like Arthur.”

“Arthur is a very decent name,” he says defensively. “There are a lot of important Arthurs out there, I just can’t recall a single important Merlin. Well, except the obvious one.”

Merlin really wants to throw his drink in his ever smug face, but he can’t: the champagne is just too good.

They spent the rest of the night bickering and Merlin seriously wonders why he didn’t just watch his Hobbit DVD instead of spending the rest of his night with Arthur.

It’s a relief when Arthur drops him off at his flat, so of course Merlin does the only logical thing and invites him in.

The sex is actually surprisingly good, much better than Merlin was expecting from someone so egocentric like Arthur. It’s definitely the best shag he had in ages.

Arthur seems to agree with him and he shows up at his door two nights later. That time they skip dinner and just get to the relevant part. When he shows up again five nights later, Merlin has officially found himself a fuck buddy.

Although he wouldn’t exactly classify him and Arthur as buddies, he still doesn’t know his surname or his address. All he knows that he must be rich and that he’s very attractive. They don’t really talk that much and they never have dinner again.

They do have a lot of truly exceptional sex in Merlin’s bed and the rest of his flat, which is exactly what they’re doing when the status quo is changed.

Arthur just got out the lube when someone knocks on Merlin’s door.

“Should you get that?” Arthur asks.

“I can’t think of anyone I want to see at the moment,” Merlin replies, planning on continuing their activities. That’s until he hears who is on the other side of that door.

“Merlin, could you please open up? I know you’re in there.”

“Fuck, fuck, that’s my mother,” Merlin says, panicked. “You need to put on some clothes and hide in my bedroom.”

Arthur snorts. “I’m not hiding from your mother, we’re not teenagers, for fuck’s sake. Let’s just get dressed and get this over with.”

They both get dressed in record time, Merlin shouts to assure his mother he won’t be long. She doesn’t look very pleased when he finally welcomes her in.

“Seriously, what took you so long? Your neighbours were starting to give me funny looks.” She stops talking when she spots Arthur, and then her whole face changes. Merlin curses himself when he sees how excited she looks.

“Of course I didn’t know you had a guest over. Is this your new boyfriend? Sorry, I should introduce myself, I’m Hunith Emrys, Merlin’s mother. And you are?”

Arthur offers his hand and says, very friendly, “I’m Arthur Pendragon, it’s very nice to meet you.”

Well at least no one can accuse Merlin of not knowing his fuck buddy’s surname. That’s some kind of victory, even if this is still one of the most embarrassing moments in his life. Most of them include his mother.

“What are you doing here, mum?” he asks her, hoping she will lose sight of Arthur.

“Oh, I was just checking in with my only son, I haven’t seen you in a while. But now I understand what’s got you so occupied.”

Merlin really wants to tell she’s got the wrong idea about all of this, but before he gets the chance, Arthur tries to make his exit.

“I should go, I’ve got some work to do and the two of you deserve a chance to properly catch up,” he says.

“I understand,” Merlin’s mum says agreeably, not that Merlin is fooled for a second. He knows his mother well enough. “Perhaps you could join us for dinner later this evening,” she suggests.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” Arthur says politely, “I’ve got a meeting with some business partners, they’ve come all the way from Japan, it’s hard to let them down after they’ve gone to all that trouble.”

“Not a problem, we could have brunch tomorrow,” his mum persists.

Arthur is smart enough to understand that he’s never going to defeat this woman at her own game so he relents. “It would be my pleasure. Merlin can text me the details. I’ll see you later,” he quickly says to him.

Merlin tries to smile but it’s hard to make an effort when faced with all this agony. They share a quick look of mutual uncertainty but then Arthur really does escape.

Leaving Merlin to deal with his very curious mother.

“So tell me more about him, Merlin. I can’t believe you never mentioned that you’re seeing someone new.”

“Maybe there’s a reason I didn’t tell you,” Merlin says. But of course he can’t talk about his fuck buddy _with his mother_. “It’s still very early,” he hastens to add. “It might not be going anywhere.”

“Well, I hope it does, I like him.”

“You’ve barely met him, how could you possibly make up your mind so quickly?”

She frowns, seemingly suspicious at once. “You do know I read the papers, I know very well who Arthur Pendragon is. He’s the son of Uther Pendragon, one of the richest men in this country. I don’t see how you thought you could hide that from me.”

Merlin is inwardly screaming but says very calmly, “Nothing gets past you, mum.”

\-----

When his mum is sleeping, Merlin quickly rings Arthur. Hoping beyond hope that they can still get out of this.

It takes a while before Arthur picks up, probably too busy shagging his secretary.

“Gandalf, isn’t it a bit too late for a booty call?” he jokes.

“I don’t have time for your stupid jokes, Pendragon,” he warns him. “This is a very dangerous situation we’re in. My mother is bloody scary when she wants to be.”

Arthur doesn’t sound that impressed when he says, “You should meet my sister, now she’s dangerous. Listen, here’s our game plan, I’ll go to brunch. But after about ten minutes, my secretary will call me to tell me I’m needed at some important meeting.”

“She’ll just plan another meeting,” Merlin says. “I’ll just tell her you cheated on me, then she’ll hate you, that’s much easier.”

“That’s not fair, you can’t just make me the bad guy,” Arthur protests. “And I don’t want anyone to think that I’m a cheater.”

“Afraid it will make the papers, are you?” Merlin asks. “Cause apparently you’re famous or something.”

He can practically envision Arthur smirking in his big office.

“I might be a tad famous, I’m just lucky that you don’t seem to keep up with current events, too busy watching wizards, I guess.”

“Shut it, you twat. We’ll have brunch with my mum and after that I think it’s best we end this –,“ Merlin searches for the right word, “arrangement.”

“Oh, come on, don’t be such a baby. There’s no need to stop shagging just because your mum knows.”

“Have you told your sister?” Merlin retorts.

“Sure, she knows I have someone but she also knows you’re not my boyfriend. Whatever, we’ll discuss this later,” Arthur says authoritatively.

“I’m not your fucking employee, you can’t order me around.”

He can hear Arthur laugh. “That’s what I like best about you,” he says and then he hangs up on him.

\-----

Brunch is not exactly the horrible ordeal Merlin had imagined it to be. But that’s mostly because he doesn't need to talk much. Arthur’s too busy being charming. They seem to get on well, which doesn’t really bother Merlin in the slightest. It might make things easier in the future when he tells his mum they’ve ended things. At least she can’t say ‘I told you so’ this time, like she does about all the boyfriends she doesn’t like.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise when the situation becomes even more complicated when Arthur’s sister disrupts their brunch.

“Arthur, what a surprise to see you here, I thought you hated brunch,” she says. Arthur’s sister introduces herself as Morgana Pendragon and she is quite spectacular looking. Good looks seem to run in the family, just like overflowing bank accounts.

His mother jumps at the chance to introduce herself. “I’m Hunith, and this is my son, Merlin. He’s dating Arthur.”

Morgana seems to find that information very amusing. “Is he now? Then I guess I should join you, if this is a family meeting.”

“Please, sit down,” Hunith says. “I’d love to hear more about Arthur’s family. The two of them make such a nice pair.”

“I’m sure they do,” Morgana says, she has the same grin on her face Arthur usually employs. But for some odd reason, she doesn't look so smug. She must be the nice sibling.

Now that Morgana has joined their group, Merlin is the one being grilled. This is how Arthur discovers his age, profession, who his friends are, and some other basic facts. He catches Arthur throwing him some surprised looks every now and then. Merlin is starting to grow uncomfortable, he does like Morgana, but he never planned on sharing this much about himself with Arthur. Although technically he is telling Morgana these things.

When their brunch finally comes to an end, Merlin has learned a lot about Arthur, and his head is filled with doubts.

He finds it hard to show his regret when his mum has to go home earlier than expected, because one of her friends is in the hospital.

He doesn’t call Arthur and Arthur doesn’t call him either. They actually don’t see each other for two weeks, until one night Arthur is at his door again.

“Sorry, I don’t want to bother you,” Arthur says, sounding uncharacteristically apologetic.

“It’s no bother, come in,” Merlin says, uncharacteristically gentle.

“It felt a bit weird, you know, after the whole brunch thing,” Arthur says. “I don’t know, it changed things.”

Merlin nods, he can only agree with that. “This has become a bit more complicated than we hoped it would be.”

“Exactly,” Arthur says eagerly. “But I thought about it and I don’t think we should just give it up either. I think I speak for both of us when I say that the sex is amazing.”

Merlin nods again. “Not to feed your already enormous ego, but it really is. And I don’t want to stop either,” he admits.

“So let’s just go back to how it used to be, it can’t be that difficult.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Merlin confesses. “It’s just that once your fuck buddy meets your mother, things change. Now she’s going to ask about you every time she calls me. Same goes for your sister, I’m sure she’s asked about me.”

“Well, she did know that this was all very casual, but she doesn’t really believe me anymore after our brunch adventure. Then I guess we have no other option.”

“We should stop seeing each other,” Merlin concludes.

“No you idiot, we should date,” Arthur says.

“That’s a horrible idea,” Merlin replies, “we can’t date.”

“Why not? We’ve already gone on one date, two if you count brunch. We managed to survive them both,” he points out.

“That doesn’t mean anything, that dinner was just foreplay and let’s not even mention brunch.”

“What are you so afraid of, Merlin, that you’ll fall madly in love with me?” Arthur teases.

“I could never fall for Mr. Darcy.”

“And I’m certainly not going to fall for Gandalf, so I guess there’s no problem.”

Merlin honestly doesn’t have another argument, they both seem very aware of the fact that this is destined to end badly.

He just doesn’t know how bad it is going to get.

\-----

It’s been a while since Merlin seriously dated someone, but they do all the typical things. They have dinner, they watch a movie, they talk (or in their case fight), they still have a lot of sex. And Merlin can honestly say to his mum that he’s dating Arthur Pendragon.

Things change again when Arthur wants to take Merlin to his favourite pub, the one where he hangs out with his friends.

Merlin puts up a serious fight about this, he’s not convinced that they’re ready for this. And he’s also pretty convinced that Arthur’s friends will be prats like him, but he still goes. He doesn’t even want to think why he does these things.

He’s relieved when the first friend Arthur introduces him to, is the restaurant owner with the ginger beard, Arthur calls him Leon. Then he meets Gwaine, Percival, Cedric, Elena. They’re all quite posh, but they seem nice enough.

“You’re just as pretty as I thought you were going to be,” Gwaine blurts out.

His girlfriend looks annoyed. “I’m sorry, Merlin, this is not his first beer. But it is really nice to meet you, I can’t even remember the last time Arthur introduced his partner to us.”

She smiles at him and keeps chatting but Merlin’s mind is completely stuck on the word ‘partner’. He interrupts Elena and says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel very well, I’ll just have a word with Arthur.”

Arthur is talking to Leon. He grabs him by the sleeve so they can talk in private.

“I really need to go home, I don’t feel well,” he informs him.

“What’s wrong with you?” Arthur asks, he actually sounds a bit concerned.

Merlin tells him the truth. “I’m just not up for this, I’m sorry. Your friends are really nice, really.”

“I understand, I’ll take you home, let me just grab my coat,” Arthur says, Merlin doesn’t really hear any disappointment in his voice. Ironically, he might be a bit disappointed about that.

It takes a while before they manage to leave the pub, Arthur’s friends seem to be fond of overly long goodbyes. But they manage to arrive at Merlin’s flat eventually. Arthur is a bit hesitant when he walks in.

“That wasn’t a complete success,” he says.

“I’m sorry, you were actually quite nice, it’s my fault, I’m just not the relationship type.”

“Merlin, have you forgotten that your mother has told me about all your boyfriends? You are exactly the relationship type.”

Merlin sighs. “Yes, but the last time I was seriously involved with someone was three years ago.  So it’s been a while.”

“It’s been a while for me too, but it’s not like it’s rocket science, it’s just dating.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Merlin blurts out. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m shopping for engagement rings anytime soon but I don’t want to lose you either.”

Arthur surprises him when instead of laughing at him, he actually kisses him quite softly. “I don’t want to lose you either,” he says afterwards. “This might be a bit unconventional but I want to ask you something: would you like to be my boyfriend, Gandalf?”

Merlin rolls his eyes, but answers truthfully, “I’d love to, Mr. Darcy.”

\-----

Things do get easier after that. Arthur survives Gwen’s scrutiny. Of course she’s a bit too occupied with her new boyfriend. Another success story for Vivian cause Lance is truly prince charming. It’s not just Gwen, even Will likes Arthur. 

But it’s only after he has dinner with Arthur’s dad, that Merlin realizes that Arthur is seriously becoming a part of his life.

That feeling only gets stronger when Arthur finally takes him back to his place. Arthur lives in a penthouse.

“Seriously, I don’t understand why we always met up in my place, when you have a freaking penthouse.”

“I’m glad you like it, but don’t get too attached, I’m actually looking for a house at the moment.”

“Are you?” Merlin is impressed, he can’t imagine leaving this behind.

“ I can’t live here forever, this is basically the stereotypical bachelor pad. Time to grow up.”

Merlin snorts. “I can’t imagine you ever growing up.”

“Oh, I’m quite the responsible businessman, I’ve got my own boyfriend and everything.”

“Yes, you do,” Merlin confirms. “I’m starting to think that Vivian really does have magical powers.”

“She just got lucky,” Arthur shrugs. “Do you want to get lucky?” he adds.

“Sure, I haven’t even seen your bedroom yet,” Merlin says.

\-----


End file.
